We’ve all heard the word anxiety, experienced it ourselves, or know someone who has.
But what actually is it?
In this article, I hope to shed some light on anxiety—not from a high-level medical perspective, but from the everyday experience of those living with it. My intention is that anyone and everyone can walk away with a deeper understanding of what anxiety is, what it feels like, and how it impacts our lives.
Understanding Anxiety
Let’s begin with some definitions:
- Oxford Learner’s Dictionary: “The state of feeling nervous or worried that something bad is going to happen.”
- Oxford Languages: “A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.”
- Merriam-Webster: “Apprehensive uneasiness or nervousness usually over an impending or anticipated ill.”
- Medical definition: “An abnormal and overwhelming sense of apprehension and fear, often marked by physical signs such as tension, sweating, and increased pulse rate.”
- American Psychological Association: “Anxiety is an emotion characterized by feelings of tension, worried thoughts, and physical changes like increased blood pressure.”
These definitions provide a starting point. But they can also feel too general and miss the very real, very personal daily struggle of living with anxiety. In this two-part article series, I hope to dive deeper—first by exploring the lived experience of anxiety, and later by sharing EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) practices that have been especially effective in helping individuals navigate and heal from it.
The Heart of Anxiety: “Am I Safe?”
In my experience, anxiety often boils down to three core questions:
“Am I safe?” “Will I be safe?” “Will I be able to handle it?”
These questions, whether asked consciously or unconsciously, are at the root of many anxious thoughts and symptoms. The more frequently they’re asked—and the more aspects of life they’re tied to—the greater the distress.
This uncertainty can trigger a freeze response. When someone feels stuck, helpless, or unable to change their situation, the sense of threat intensifies. The subconscious starts to repeat those safety questions so often that they create a feedback loop of instability. Left unaddressed, this loop can lead to escalating emotional responses—panic attacks, emotional shutdown, fainting, or sobbing fits.
It’s this questioning without a sense of control or a clear way to respond that often creates anxiety. It wears down confidence and reinforces the belief that one is trapped, powerless, or unable to make a difference. Clients often describe feeling like a victim of their circumstances, oscillating between the desire to escape and the belief that they cannot.
In EFT, I’ve noticed that clients are often so connected to their anxiety that traditional check-ins—“What do you notice?” or “Rate the intensity from 0 to 10”—can inadvertently heighten distress. Instead, I’ve found that leaning on observation, listening closely to their word choices, and using a more subtle “back door” approach can be much more supportive. (More on that in the next article.)
Clean Language: How Words Shape Our Experience
When I talk about clean language, I don’t mean avoiding swearing. (In fact, if that helps someone express and release emotion, I say go for it!) Instead, I mean being mindful of how language can shape our internal world.
For example, when we say “I’m anxious” or “I’m frustrated,” we are using language that merges identity with emotion. This might seem subtle, but over time, it can solidify anxiety as part of who we are. That makes it harder to separate ourselves from it and imagine healing.
A simple shift—from “I’m anxious” to “I feel anxious right now”—can create distance and remind the mind that emotions are temporary states, not permanent traits.
Get Specific
Saying “I have anxiety” is true, but vague. It can mean a dozen different things. A more helpful approach is to get specific:
- “I feel a little anxious about meeting this new person.”
- “I feel pressure in my chest because I’m thinking about the presentation tomorrow.”
When we narrow it down, we not only better understand ourselves, but also create a clearer path for healing. Vague statements are like tapping on a table and hoping the whole room changes. The more specific we are, the more targeted—and effective—our work becomes.
Time and Language
Anxiety often feels constant, like it’s always been there and always will be. We can gently challenge that belief with language:
- Instead of “I’m always anxious,” we say,
“I feel anxious right now about meeting Dave tomorrow.”
This shift helps the brain reframe the experience as temporary and tied to a particular event, rather than as a permanent part of our identity. And that opens the door to deeper healing and a renewed sense of control.
Curiosity: The Balm of Anxiety
One of the most powerful antidotes to anxiety I’ve found is curiosity.
Anxious thoughts often take the form of “what if” scenarios:
- “What if I mess up?”
- “What if no one listens?”
- “What if I fail?”
Curiosity helps us shift from fear to exploration. Instead of “What if I stumble?”, we ask:
“I wonder what I could do if I stumble?”
This tiny shift puts choice and power back into our hands. It invites problem-solving rather than panic. I’ve seen anxiety start to loosen its grip just by asking curious, gentle questions. And when we do this while tapping, the shift can be even more profound.
Curiosity also helps us discover the why behind our feelings:
- “I wonder why this situation makes me anxious?”
- “I’m curious what’s underneath this reaction?”
These questions build insight, which leads to clarity, direction, and hope.
Trust: The Core Wound of Anxiety
At its root, anxiety is often about trust—or the loss of it.
People with anxiety have often lost trust in:
- Themselves and their ability to respond or cope
- The future and whether it will be safe
- Their own resilience and inner strength
A person anxious about public speaking may say, “I’m afraid I’ll make a mistake.” But underneath that is often a deeper belief:
“I don’t trust that I’ll be okay if something goes wrong.”
Over time, these fears crystallize into limiting beliefs:
- “I’m no good at speaking.”
- “People will laugh at me.”
- “I always mess things up.”
Rebuilding trust—in ourselves, in the moment, and in our ability to cope—is one of the most powerful paths toward healing anxiety.
Final Thoughts
This is just the beginning. In the next article, I’ll share specific EFT techniques I’ve found to be particularly helpful for releasing anxiety and supporting long-term healing.
If anxiety is something you’re struggling with, I want you to know this:
There is hope. You are not broken. You are not alone. And with the right tools and support, freedom is possible.
Please join me in the next article—and take this with you:
You are not your anxiety. You are more.